Cultural attitudes towards marriage and sexuality have changed profoundly within a generation, particularly in the western world. Sustained campaigning by organisations such as Stonewall has brought sweeping changes in legislation, practice and public acceptance.
LGBTQ+ rights now hold a prominent place in public life, and dissenting voices are often silenced under the banner of hate speech. Where speech is genuinely hateful, that is right. We live in a secular society, and discrimination against any group should be firmly opposed.
The church was caught on the back foot by the speed of this change and has lacked a coherent response. Much of the mainstream church has moved towards affirmation and endorsement, in an effort to be seen as inclusive and tolerant.
In 2021 the Methodist Church in Britain voted to permit same-sex marriage in its churches. In 2023 the Church of England commended prayers of blessing for same-sex couples. In some denominations, people in same-sex relationships now serve in leadership. This is a capitulation on the biblical definition of human relationships.
At the other end of the spectrum, some churches have held to biblical parameters but unfairly implied that LGBTQ+ people deserve special condemnation. When Christians give sexuality more attention than other moral issues, and attack it more fiercely, dialogue suffers. It also fuels anti-Christian stereotypes.
More recently, questions of gender identity have moved to the centre of public debate. They raise related but distinct issues, addressed in their own section below.
How should a follower of Christ approach these issues with compassion, showing the unconditional love of Christ without compromise?
What does Scripture teach about marriage and sexuality?
Any response must begin with God’s design for marriage and sexuality. We believe Scripture is clear: any sexual activity outside monogamous, heterosexual marriage falls outside the boundaries God has set.
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 NIV)
But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2-3 NIV)
The New Testament also addresses same-sex sexual activity directly (Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11).
Paul’s words to the church in Corinth are the clearest.
Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11 NIV)
Two features of Paul’s words to the Corinthians matter here. He lists greed, drunkenness and slander alongside sexual sin, with no ranking between them. He also ends with hope: “that is what some of you were.”
Marriage as a picture of Christ and the church
Marriage is also the closest analogy Scripture uses for the relationship between Jesus Christ and His church.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-32 NIV)
Jesus is pictured as the groom and the church as the bride. The groom has sacrificially and lovingly chosen His bride, and is away preparing a home before His return.
My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. (John 14:2-3 NIV)
The bride has accepted the proposal. She has set herself apart, or sanctified herself, in submission to her groom as she looks forward to the wedding day.
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear. (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.) Then the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!’ And he added, ‘These are the true words of God.’ (Revelation 19:7-9 NIV)
If the biblical concept of marriage is distorted, the picture of Christ and the church is distorted with it. The church must therefore preserve and uphold biblical marriage. It is God’s intended way of giving the church a small insight into its relationship with the Lord.
Everyone falls short
This standard applies to everyone. It does not apply more to some people than to others.
Rather than single out the LGBTQ+ community, the church should be honest that all of us fall short of God’s standards for sex and marriage. Consider these examples:
- Sex before marriage (1 Corinthians 7:2, Hebrews 13:4)
- The use of pornography (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, Galatians 5:19-21)
- Marital unfaithfulness (Exodus 20:14, Proverbs 6:32)
- Looking lustfully at someone else (Matthew 5:28, 6:22-23)
- Marrying someone outside the Christian faith (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Hebrews 13:4 NIV)
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:18-20 NIV)
Can anyone honestly claim never to have fallen short in one of these areas? Each departs from God’s standard. No person’s transgression here is worse than another’s in God’s sight. All of us carry a fallen sexual nature.
Temptation is not sin
Being tempted is very different from acting on temptation. Same-sex attraction is not sinful in itself.
In the same way, a married person who is attracted to someone other than their spouse has not sinned. Sin begins when the attraction is indulged.
A shared fallen nature
We suspect that before the fall, God designed humanity to feel sexual attraction for one person only: their spouse. The fall corrupted that design in all humanity, and it has remained corrupted ever since.
This corruption expresses itself in many ways. A lustful look is a lustful look, whether directed at someone of the opposite sex or the same sex. Sex outside marriage between a man and a woman is no different from sexual activity within a same-sex relationship. Both depart from God’s model.
For this reason, it is disappointing when people in the church treat same-sex attraction as a worse form of sexual brokenness.
Same-sex marriage does differ in one respect. It is a public and lasting step away from God’s boundaries, and it is far harder to walk away from.
A heterosexual couple who are sexually active before marriage can repent and marry. A person using pornography can repent and stop. Someone in a same-sex marriage faces a far costlier decision.
Even so, those who identify as LGBTQ+ should not be held to a higher standard than anyone else. Sin is sin, however it expresses itself.
As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God… for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, (Romans 3:10-11, 23 NIV)
Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right and never sins. (Ecclesiastes 7:20 NIV)
“I was born this way”
Some in the LGBTQ+ community will understandably object to the suggestion that same-sex attraction is evidence of a corrupted nature we all inherit. How can being born with a particular orientation be wrong in God’s eyes?
We are sensitive to this objection, and we take no pleasure in our answer. Yet affirming same-sex relationships cannot be reconciled with Scripture without tearing pages out of the Bible, in both the Old and New Testaments.
Everyone is born with an orientation that strays from God’s blueprint. Whether attraction is to the same sex or the opposite sex, any expression of it outside heterosexual marriage lies outside God’s parameters.
The LGBTQ+ person is no different from anyone else in this. Sexuality is a struggle for everyone, and we all need the forgiveness and transformation of Christ.
Friendship, and those outside the faith
None of this prevents Christians from maintaining close friendships with LGBTQ+ people. We both have a number of friends who identify in this way.
Nor should Christians impose biblical practice on those who do not profess faith. Why would someone who does not believe in God follow God’s model for relationships?
Within the Christian faith, however, same-sex sexual relationships are at odds with a faithful walk with Christ. So are many forms of heterosexual behaviour.
What about gender identity?
When this article was first written, public debate centred on sexuality. Questions of gender identity have since come to the fore, and they are distinct. Sexuality concerns whom a person is attracted to. Gender identity concerns who a person understands themselves to be.
Scripture begins with God making humanity male and female, and calling that design very good.
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27 NIV)
Jesus affirmed this when He was asked about marriage (Matthew 19:4). Our bodies are part of God’s good creation, not an accident to be overcome.
A small number of people are born with intersex conditions, in which the body’s sexual development is atypical. That is a distinct medical matter and is not what this section addresses.
The distinction drawn above applies here too. Gender dysphoria, the distress of feeling at odds with one’s own body, is real and often deeply painful. Experiencing it is not a sin.
Like every form of human brokenness, it is a consequence of living in a fallen world (Romans 8:22-23). It is not a mark of special guilt.
Those who experience it should therefore meet compassion in the church, never mockery, suspicion or fear. Many have suffered a great deal before they reach a church door.
Even so, the church cannot affirm that a person finds their true identity by rejecting the sex God gave them. A Christian’s deepest identity is found in Christ, not in gender or sexuality (Colossians 3:3).
Choosing to transition is different from experiencing dysphoria. It is a step away from the design God gave, and like any such step it calls for repentance.
This is never a closed door. We all make mistakes, and all of us depend on the same grace. Someone who has transitioned, repents and lives a Christ-centred life can be part of church life. A past transition is not a permanent bar.
This area calls for particular humility. Some questions are not addressed in Scripture by name: which name and pronouns to use, or how to welcome someone who has already transitioned. Faithful Christians reach different conclusions on these.
How a church handles them is ultimately a decision for its leadership.
Church leaders should think these questions through before the situation arises, not in the moment. Whatever they conclude, the person in front of them is made in the image of God, and is someone for whom Christ died.
How would Jesus respond?
It is worth asking how Jesus would handle these issues if He lived within our culture.
We believe He would show deep and compassionate love for LGBTQ+ people, in a way that invites a response to follow Him. He would not ostracise anyone, and would most likely make particular efforts to reach out in love.
The Gospels show the pattern. Jesus sought out the Samaritan woman, knowing her history, and offered her living water (John 4). He refused to condemn the woman caught in adultery, and then told her to leave her life of sin (John 8:11). Grace came first, but it was never endorsement.
We suspect many who met Him today would come to find their identity in Christ rather than in their sexuality, just as those who met Him in the Gospels found their lives reordered.
There are many accounts of people who once identified as LGBTQ+ and describe a transformation through Jesus Christ. They have chosen to be identified by Christ rather than by their sexuality. We recommend reading some of their stories at the CHANGED Movement.
For accounts from same-sex attracted Christians living faithfully in celibacy, see Living Out.
How should the church respond?
Churches should welcome and reach out to LGBTQ+ people exactly as they would anyone else. We are all sinners in need of the forgiveness and grace of God.
It is a scandal that many LGBTQ+ people have been made to feel alienated from the church. Too often the church has focused excessively on this issue while accommodating other areas of sin.
Welcome does not mean redefining marriage or affirming same-sex relationships. The church can wholeheartedly maintain the biblical model of marriage and sexuality while fully accepting LGBTQ+ people in its midst.
What this looks like in practice
- Welcome without conditions. Nobody should have to resolve their questions before they can attend, belong and hear the gospel.
- Listen before speaking. Learn a person’s story before offering a view on it.
- Teach evenly. Address pornography, adultery and sex before marriage as seriously as same-sex relationships.
- Be clear and kind about what the church believes. Nobody should discover it by accident, months after joining.
- Guard your speech. Jokes and careless generalisations from the front undo years of welcome.
- Support families. Parents whose child has come out, or is questioning their gender, need pastoral care, not judgement.
Faithfulness for the same-sex attracted Christian
The church must be honest about what it is asking. For a Christian who is attracted to the same sex, faithfulness will often mean celibacy. That is a costly calling, and for many the attraction does not change.
Scripture honours singleness. Jesus was single, and Paul commends it (1 Corinthians 7:7-8, 32-35). Jesus also promised that those who give up family for His sake will receive a family in return (Mark 10:29-30).
The church has to be that family. A congregation that asks for celibacy but offers no deep friendship, hospitality or belonging has asked for a sacrifice it is unwilling to share.
Membership and church life
Welcome is not the same as membership. Everyone is welcome to attend, to hear the gospel, and to be known and loved by the congregation.
Membership and other key areas of church life are different. Scripture asks the church to distinguish between those who struggle with sin and repent, and those who wilfully persist in it (Matthew 18:15-17, 1 Corinthians 5:11-13).
A person in a same-sex relationship should therefore not become a member or take part in those areas. The same applies to anyone else living in settled, unrepentant sin, including an unmarried couple who live together, or someone who has transitioned and has not repented.
This does not apply to someone who experiences same-sex attraction and is seeking to live faithfully. That person has a full place in the life of the church.
Nor is it a closed door for anyone. A person who repents and lives a Christ-centred life can take a full part in the church.
How this is applied is ultimately a decision for the leadership of each church.
What about church leadership?
Leadership is where the church’s approach must be different. The church must remain unequivocally welcoming to anyone who walks through the door, but it must set a high bar for its leaders. This is where much of the mainstream church has gone badly wrong.
Leadership must be reserved for those who are beyond reproach from a biblical perspective. Leaders are not perfect, and never could be. But they must not live in a way that openly compromises the New Testament model of church leadership.
Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them–not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. (1 Peter 5:2-3 NIV)
Church leaders are to be role models. For this reason, churches should not appoint to leadership those who are in same-sex relationships.
This view is likely to provoke outrage from some. But society’s standards cannot be imposed on church leadership without serious consequences for the church. Churches are accountable to God alone, not to the culture around them.
Can you imagine a mosque or an Orthodox synagogue appointing an imam or a rabbi who is openly in a same-sex relationship?
The church must not capitulate on this. It is called to be counter-cultural, to be salt and light. If that does not begin with its leaders, there is little prospect of knowing God’s power in reaching the lost or encouraging holy living among believers.
When a church accepts any pattern of living among its leaders, it is time to leave that congregation. It cannot maintain its integrity, and it is on a collision course with God.
For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? (1 Peter 4:17 NIV)
Taken at face value, Scripture sets a very high bar for those who would lead.
An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless–not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. (Titus 1:6-9 NIV)
Paul gives Timothy a parallel list of qualifications (1 Timothy 3:2-7).
Facing hostility
None of this is easy. Some campaigning is forceful and uncompromising, and a strong emphasis on identity can create unnecessary barriers.
Those who hold sincere but unpopular convictions often meet intolerance, which can be very distressing. Christians who cannot affirm same-sex relationships may face abuse, along with accusations of discrimination and bigotry that are often unfounded.
Yet Christians must accept that society has changed profoundly. We might wish to live in a country that promotes biblical values, but we do not. Our culture rests on a secular humanist worldview, and the church needs to accept this.
The Christian faith is meant to be counter-cultural. It should not surprise us when that extends to sexuality and relationships.
Jesus warned that the gospel would offend. However carefully a view is expressed, it will sometimes be misrepresented and maligned.
However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. (1 Peter 4:16 NIV)
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. (Matthew 5:11 NIV)
In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, (2 Timothy 3:12 NIV)
There is an important caveat. When Christians are criticised simply for being rude and obnoxious towards LGBTQ+ people, that is not persecution. It is certainly not what Jesus would have done.
Summary
This is a contentious area, and it is difficult to set out a position in writing without upsetting someone.
The key point is that no one escapes the scrutiny of Christ in the area of sexuality. Even someone in a happy and fulfilling heterosexual marriage must exercise constant restraint.
That takes discernment and discipline, particularly in our choice of entertainment. We should take great care over what we look at, because the eyes are a gateway to the mind and heart.
The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! (Matthew 6:22-23 NIV)
LGBTQ+ people must always feel completely welcomed and accepted in the church, and be shown the unconditional love of Jesus Christ. The church must also remain faithful to the clear teaching of Scripture: judge the sin, not the sinner.
If the church capitulates to cultural standards on marriage and sexuality, it sets itself on a collision course with God and does itself irreparable damage.
Wherever possible, build bridges with those who identify as LGBTQ+. There is no one on earth beyond the reach of the gospel. Our task is to invite whoever is willing to be reborn into the kingdom of God through the Lord Jesus Christ.
Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.” (John 3:3 NIV)